All that glitters.....

We're still in October. The Jack O' Lanterns are yet to be lit, the Bonfires are yet to be burnt, we've just had a glorious Indian summer of a week and the half-term holiday is barely over. So, of course, the shops are full of Christmas tinsel and tat. Yes, it's that time of year again. Selection boxes, sleigh bells, glitter, chesnuts roasting on an open fire, miseltoe and wine, the boys of the NYPD choir, snow falling all around us, (just like the ones we used to know), everybody having simply wonderful fun. Oh, I wish it could be Christmas every day (don't worry, at this rate it soon will be).
And yet, there is a refuge. A haven. A shelter from the storm of all this madness. The library. No subliminal pressure to buy loads of cheap rubbish that you'll never use; no pushing and shoving and fights over a parking place; no mince pies (your local council has a healthy eating policy), no sickly smell of sherry (ditto drinking); no middle-aged staff painfully trying to get into the party spirit by wearing reindeer antlers or dressing as elves (well, not all the time) and no piped music playing Slade 653 times a day. Just a rather dog eared collection of Christmas books sat inconspicuously in a corner like they have every year for the past three decades (I've always felt that "Fanny Craddock's Christmas Cooking" is one for the ages). Bliss.
So if you're one of those people for whom Christmas has somehow lost true meaning, check out your library. You'll find peace on earth and goodwill to all in abundance.
Roll on Easter. . . .

That was the week that was

Did you know that we have just had Customer Service Week? And soon it will Family Learning Week? We will also be celebrating Global Entrepreneurship Week. I seem to have missed Chocolate Week (12th October) although I am looking forward to Farmhouse Breakfast Week (24th Jan 2010) and National Curry Week (22nd November). I'm also already clearing a month in my diary for National Bed Month, next March, although whether my long suffering employers will allow me a duvet month remains to be seen. There are a few which do not appeal - National Be Nice To Nettles Week (I kid you not - see www.nettles.org.uk - 19th May 2010) and World Maths week, to name but two.
From doughnuts to cancer research, owls to head lice, doodling to kidneys, there is a day, a week, or a month for almost everything you could possibly think of, and quite a few you probably couldn't. And as a dutiful librarian I do a display, get some books, organise a workshop, put up posters, but I can't help thinking, when is our week? Perhaps you have one already - if so let me know!
Yes we have storytelling week, World Book Day, poetry day, but none of them quite sum up what a wondrous place your library is! Other countries have library weeks - we should have one too! Write to the MLA! Write to CILIP! Write to your MP! Let's have a Library Week!
And for all you people from veggies to bacon lovers, science nuts and weathermen, gardeners and coffee-morning-cookie-cutters, it's payback time - we put your posters up, time for you to return the favour!

Get your fix here!

My name is Dorothea, and I'm addicted to....books. Not the most fashionable addiction, you will agree - I don't go to parties and swap books in the toilet (though I have been known to read books at a party). Kate Moss is seldom snapped leaving a nightclub with a book under her arm. And yet everyone has their vice, and books are mine. I'm not alone in this, either. Many of my regulars have the tell-tale glint in the eye and fevered brow when their favourite author has a new one on the horizon. Many a borrower has said to me "I can't get through the weekend without one." A future without reading matter is bleak indeed. This explains why many an addict has a stockpile, just in case.
I am not ashamed to say that I am a dealer too - my job means that I can store a choice one under the counter for my best customers "on the house" - a prime cut of the latest mind-bending fiction. Time-travel? A panacea for an aching soul? Uppers? Downers? Just to pass the timers? Get them all here!
Like all addictions, it is best started young for maximum impact. I wouldn't rule out the school gates. Even the cradle. You see, the more people who get addicted to books, the better. It's good for you. Even doctors are prescribing them now, and libraries are the dispensaries.
Next time you need a fix, see your librarian. We are fully qualified to diagnose and offer a tailored solution. Can't do your homework? This book might help. Long flight? Try this thriller. Nothing on the telly? This might pass the time.
Go to your library. Speak to an expert. It's a lot cheaper than hanging around on street corners.
And librarians, share your passion. There is plenty to go around.

Shhhh!

Haven't posted for a few days - things have been a little frenzied. Last Thursday we appeared at the Ilkley Literature Festival with our performance piece "Shhhh!". At last, the culmination of months of blood, toil, tears and sweat. We arrived in Ilkley ridiculously early and paid a visit to the famous Betty's Tea Rooms for a bite to eat (a haven of tranquility - the calm before the storm). We rolled up to the playhouse at 7.00pm and gave out flyers to the people who were there for the main events. "We're on at 9," we said, "It's called 'Shhhh!' and it's about libraries!" Most people took a flyer but we got a few blank looks.
Then a long wait for the other events to finish. We nipped into the bar and ordered two pints of Dutch Courage, then thought better of it and had tea instead. Laura, our liaison lady, told us that the average audiences for Fringe events had been about 30, though a few nights before they'd only had 6. "We're pros," we said, "We'll give it our all whether we've got 6 or 60." In the end it was 60 (60+ actually). The audience was fantastic. We'd a few friends and supporters but the response was so positive from everyone.
Our time on stage seemed to pass in a blur - it seemed very strange to be performing in front of a real audience after months practicing in front of nobody. Somewhere at the back of the audience we heard quite a lot of "knowing" laughs at certain points. Librarians. I'd stake my life on it. After we'd finished, the techie from the playhouse told us it was the best Fringe event he'd seen this year. We were chuffed.
So that was it. All over. It seemed a shame, after all our work, to just perform the piece once. We'd quite like to take it out on the road, performing it at libraries. Our idea is to perform the show (it lasts about 45/50 mins) then break for refreshments and then run a "reminiscence workshop" where people share their memories and stories of libraries. Any libraries out there interested or want to know more details? Just drop us a line at - sbond@wakefield.gov.uk.

In the meantime, thanks to everyone and anyone for supporting us at Ilkley. The show is over but the blog goes on!

Festival! Carnival!

Off to the heady world of the literature festival on Thursday - aside from the appearance of Shhhh! (if I'm not ready now then I never will be) - there is the glitz and the glamour of the festival! Real authors! In the flesh! Shiny new books which said author is desperately hoping you will buy so s/he can inscribe them with a fat Mont blanc pen bought ready for the occasion! The book shops with goods piled high saying "buy me" and "try me." Rubbing shoulders with the literati - you never know who you might see downing a crafty cream bun in Bettys.
Ah, I hear you say, a far cry from those tatty old paperbacks, half empty shelves and dog-eared magazines I leave behind in the library - no doubt I will be starstruck and not a little sorry to go back to work. Well, no actually. You see, it's all very well being beguiled into buying an £18.99 hardback, until you get home and realise that half the material was recycled from the authors' last book, and also the author has written "To Dorothea" in great big letters so you can't give it to Auntie Elsie for Christmas. It's all very well sitting at the back of a draughty hall not quite being able to hear about the character motivation for an experimental novel about samurai warriors and coming out no wiser than when you went in. Besides, some great writers go to libraries too. I bet many of the people doing the festival rounds started off in their local library. You should go along to yours and see what's happening - you might get a free cuppa. And you can return the books when you have finished with them. Not a writer alive could do without the library. Festival Shmestival! Libraries are where it's at!
Or am I just annoyed because I couldn't get a ticket for Alan Bennett?
Anyway more festival reports to come.
Who has been in your library recently?

"Shhhh!" at Ilkley Playhouse, Thurs 15th Oct, 9pm (the countdown)

Just 5 days to go to the world premiere of "Shhhh!:Love, Life and the Truth About Libraries" at the Ilkley Literature Festival and the tension is mounting. The script is (more or less) finished, rehearsals are "progressing" (ahem), props have been assembled, lines learnt, bridges burnt, there's a whiff of greasepaint, a rustle of curtains and the glare of the footlights is calling, calling, calling as the days, hours, minutes tick away, the moment of truth approaches and we are lead towards an overwhelming question - is the world truly ready for THE TRUTH about libraries? What Pandora's Box might we open by revealing it? What forces will be unleashed, what foundations will tremble? Who knows but that on Friday morning we will awaken in a new place, our paradigms shifted, our zeitgeist zonked, our times a'changed our world turned upside down, all changed, changed utterly, a terrible beauty born.

Just hope we get a bloody audience.

Cafe au Library?

It seems to be a great trend amongst the powers that be at the moment to suggest that every library worth its salt has a cafe attached. Indeed, some of the best libraries do have cafes, and this is no bad thing. I quite like the idea of arriving to the smell of coffee, and Carrot Passion cake during tea break is not to be sniffed at, although my cardigan size may increase alarmingly. Neither do I object to possible spillages and sticky fingers - people may as well dribble and crumble cakes over MY (mine, my precious...mine) books here as well as at home.
My main gripe is that people will simply say - "Failing library? Let's put a cafe in!" Then all you have is a failing library with a cafe attached. The library should be the main attraction - if you can stay and enjoy a cup of skinny macchiato with chocolate whip and marshmallows then so much the better, but this should not be the reason people visit. Lure them in with the smell of coffee by all means, but keep them there with great library services, the books they want, and the environment to enjoy them in.
The other problem is what people expect from a coffee shop - we held a charity coffee morning a couple of weeks ago, and believe me, you may get over 500 coffee combos at Starbucks, but that's nothing compared to Mrs Ramsbottom and her "squeeze the teabag three times, stir it clockwise, put in three and a third teaspoons of sugar, then just a smidge of milk (semi-skimmed) (smidge being an ancient Yorkshire measurement) blue cup and matching unchipped saucer, and a rich tea biscuit, but not one from the end of the packet because they are always broken. Thank you kindly." I defy even the most experienced barista and tea pourer to satisfy her!
Now, where is my muffin tin?

Fin-tastic!

Thank you to everyone who has contacted me so far with weird and wonderful library stories. A strange theme is emerging, however. There seem to be an inordinate number of incidents involving fish. Yes, fish.

A perturbed library assistant recalls, among the many odd items left as bookmarks, a kipper. (And if you have any other odd bookmarks please let me know). A still traumatised library worker remembers being handed a carrier bag containing one book to be returned, plus a piece of cod. A smelly, unwrapped, piece of cod. The owner of which denied all knowledge and left it in the library. It is not known whether said library worker took it home for tea. Another librarian describes the elderly couple who come in every week and, lacking hearing aids, shout for the whole library to hear, "COD OR HADDOCK TONIGHT DEAR?" Elsewhere, fishnet stockings have also been found in a library book. Not sure why. Although they seemed to be unworn.

So keep the stories coming, fish related or otherwise, and be careful out there, for cod moves in mysterious ways, and libraries are truly strange plaices to be.