Friday, August 28, 2009

You want what?

I've had to answer some very strange questions over my library career - here are a few examples:

Where can I get a divorce?
Will you publish my memoirs?
What will these seeds grow into?
What colour paint goes with these cushion covers?
Do you sell condoms?
Would you open the automatic doors for me - I'm an eco warrior and I don't want to be responsible for using the energy?

And because I'm a good and dutiful librarian I try to answer them all!
Here are the answers, in no particular order - marijuana, a lawyer, no, yes, no, magnolia.

Have you ever been asked anything odd?

Friday, August 21, 2009

What do you call them?

Please help Dorothea!
You know when that certain sort of person comes in, usually a woman, usually with kids in tow, and asks for biographies. Well, you know what she means, but if you are anything like Dorothea you take them to where the lives of Leonardo da Vinci, Stanley Matthews, Winston Churchill, Mohammed Ali are shelved. About five minutes later they come back. "No it's biographies we want. There is one about someone called Dave, I think." And so you take them to the shelves where the books are mainly white, with a distressed looking child on the front clutching a teddy bear, and with titles like "Please No Mummy Don't Sell Me To The White Slavers, At Least Not Until Daddy Has Beaten Me Again." And they are delighted. I am waiting for the first memoir called "Mummy Took Me To The Library And Left Me There While She Read Books About Neglected Children."
Anyway what Dorothea wants to know is, what do you call them? I've scoured libraries and bookshops and so far we have:

Misery Literature
Real Lives
Alternative Childhoods
Painful Lives

Please send your suggestions.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

What counts?

Dorothea is stressed this week, for it is the week we have to count who comes in and out of our dear little library. We do this every week electronically, but just occasionally we have to actually sit down and do it properly (except during tea breaks, obviously - everything stops for tea and biscuits). Unless it is too busy to count - then of course we have an interesting paradox, for if we are are too busy to count then we count no-one, so we are not busy at all. And so, from morning until evening, someone sits and clicks a clicker, for a child, or for an adult. This raises some interesting existential problems - if 16 is an adult, how old is that girl with the high heels and the lippy? Do workmen count? Delivery people? Do I count a member of staff who has been out for lunch? Joanne's mum who has come to see her daughter who works in the office? Who, actually, is a person? Does the double buggy contain children or shopping - and how close can I get without seeming rude? The nice but forgetful old lady who comes in five times within half an hour - is that one visit or five?
Also, does it matter what they do here? Does someone spending six hours here count for more than someone who spends five minutes?
Statistics, make of them what you will - all I know is, I need a cup of tea. And a biscuit. With chocolate on.

Friday, August 14, 2009

Towards the Fringe

Dorothea has been reading the latest edition of the CILIP Gazette where you can find an article about Simon, our intrepid librarian, and his 60 minutes of fame on the 4th Plinth. Now, however, he has other fish to fry, namely his forthcoming one man show at the Ilkley Literature Festival. It's called "Shhh" and its all about libraries. Dorothea caught up with Simon and asked him how the preparations are going:

"Very well, thank you. Performance date is October 15th at 9pm which is a very, very long way off. Isn't it? Please? Really?"

Dorothea thinks that Simon is just a tad nervous but you know what they say, 'It'll be alright on the night'.Still, Simon tells me he'll be attending a meeting for all the "Fringers" on 3rd September and will keep us posted on any developments. Meanwhile the first draft of his script is finished but he still needs your funny library stories. So let's hear them oh citizens of Libraryland!

For now, Dorothea will give you a starter for 10. This very week Dorothea took a phone call from someone asking the library to re-house their pets!! Anyone out there had any other suitably bizarre requests in the library? We're waiting for your call....

The day job

Follow the link http://www.oneandother.co.uk/participants/Simon to see what a librarian can do in an average day - reading to any audience, big or small - sharing a book with a hundred people, or just five. Anyone can do it - you don't have to be on a plinth!

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Miss-communication

I've been gathering stories all week to give to our librarian, and here is small one I thought I would share with you. Man walks into library, and asks at the enquiry desk for books about beetles. Library assistant points him to the music books. A few minutes later he comes back - "no, books about beetles, not beatles." Library assistant gently explains that the Beatles are a pop group, and heads back to the music section. "No" says the man. "Beetles." And out comes a matchbox. And it does not contain Paul McCartney.

Do you have a story to share?

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

From the plinth to the fringe

Welcome one and all to this new libraries and books blog. I am Dorothea, and I'm (almost) all woman, but most particularly, all librarian. Whatever that means. I hope over the coming weeks and months to share many stories with you - stories of libraries, of books, borrowers, and lenders (of which I am both, with apologies to Polonius). And I hope you will share your stories with me.


My first story begins on the 9th of July, when a librarian took to the plinth in Trafalgar Square, and told a few tales, read a few poems, and stood up for books, for reading, and for libraries. The librarian loved being on the plinth, and had a great response from people far and wide who said how wonderful it was that people were talking about libraries, and reading, about how they loved libraries and books, and how it was about time someone stood up for them.



This made the librarian think that perhaps more people in more places had stories to tell, and things to say about libraries, and experiences to share, and were perhaps simply lacking the means or the mouthpiece to do it. After all, not everyone is willing or able to stand in the middle of London and shout about reading, and books, and libraries. I, for instance, am very shy, and much prefer to stay behind my library counter. But I and my colleagues told the librarian some stories, over a cup of tea, and the librarian thought that perhaps other people might like to hear our stories too, and so, with some trepidation, our heroic librarian decided to perform at the Ilkley Literature Festival fringe, and to be the mouthpiece for book and library lovers throughout the world, and tell some stories of these fantastic institutions and the people who frequent them.



And then, our hero, our brave, adventurous librarian, began to panic! "What if I don't have enough to say?" "What if no-one wants to hear about books and libraries anymore in this digital age?" and also, "What will I say if I bump into Alan Bennett in the wings?"



Dorothea to the rescue! For from my library counter, or my comfortable laptop at home, I can contact librarians, and book lovers throughout the world! They might have stories and experiences they are willing to share, or would like other people to hear. They may encourage and hearten you with their own passion for libraries and books.



So, book-lovers, library-lovers, librarians, page-turners, spine-breakers, book-stampers, indexers, card-fillers, dewey-dames, and dewey-dudes, please share your stories and experiences of libraries with Dorothea. She, like all the best librarians, can be trusted not to tell (or at least to change the names if she does). She will pass on the best to our brave librarian, who may in turn use them in the show at Ilkley. All anecdotes, however small, are welcome. All Joycean narratives of life in libraries will be read with pleasure. Libraries are changing - tell your tales now, or they may be lost forever. And our brave librarian will be able to go to Ilkley in October knowing that other people care, and want their stories to be heard.



This blog will be an archive of your stories, as well as a talking shop and a sounding board. It will also tell the story of our librarian hero and his journey from the plinth to the fringe.